So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
