Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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