How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
