Christians are straight up FREAKS
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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