My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
