It's like God shit irony all over that family
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
