I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
