No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
