She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
im six kinds of drunk right now
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
