TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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