First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
This is my gift to your gina
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
