I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
