I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
foreskin is a definite game changer
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
