Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
