Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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