we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
