just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
