My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
