i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
