Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
