This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
