The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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