My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
