You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
