Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
