I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
