Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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