Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
