And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
