what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
