Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
