Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
