You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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