you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
