I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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