1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
