Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
