Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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