friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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