is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
