i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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