What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
