Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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