Got a toothbrush?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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