Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
