party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
