shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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