Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
