i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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