What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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