Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
