Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
